My heart is breaking…

I don’t even know how to start this post.  The past five days were something I never expected when coming here.  They were things I hoped would never happen.  But let me start at the beginning.

As I mentioned in my last post, Beautiful Gate had 3 children in the hospital.  Two of the children were not doing well at all.

Last Friday, child went to Heaven.  She was a beautiful baby girl and not one of the children in the hospital.  An accident happened on campus and she was rushed to the hospital.  Despite all efforts made by BG staff, she did not make it.  This was so unexpected, shock and sadness rippled across campus as the news spread.

Saturday morning, two volunteers and I went to the hospital to visit the three children there.  We wanted to pray over them and offer any support we could to the care staff helping the children.  One looked like she might come home Monday or Tuesday.  The two that weren’t doing well, still weren’t doing well.  One was worse, the other was doing a little better.  It gave me reason to hope he might make it.  After returning to campus I did a lot of chores and then spent some time with the Lord, often asking why, but knowing He has a reason.  I just may not ever know it, at least not until I go to Heaven.

Saturday another child was taken to the hospital.  So we now had 4 children in the hospital.

Sunday morning, I went to church and after church I found out that one of the children in the hospital passed away.  He was the one I thought was doing a little better on Saturday, but still not doing well.  He is now in Heaven, in no more pain.

Another death to process.  Another infant going home long before I thought it was there time.  I wrote the following either Saturday or Sunday afternoon, the days all run together right now.

My heart is breaking
My soul is sad
I long for You Lord
I don’t understand
I can’t comprehend
I long for You Lord
I long for forever
I long for no pain
I long for a place I’ve never been
I long for You Lord

Monday morning the other very sick child went Home to be with the Lord.  And another child was admitted to the hospital.

It has been a very hard time here at Beautiful Gate.  We are in need of prayers.  The staff and volunteers are heart broken.  The song that keeps going through my head is by Casting Crowns.

If we’ve ever needed you, Lord it’s now, Lord it’s now.  
We are desperate for your hand, reach it out, reach it out. 
~ If We’ve Ever Needed You  

We need the Lord’s comfort during this time, His strength to keep going and care for the other 57 children in our care.  We need His strength to bury the 3 babies called Home.  To honor their lives and honor the God who gave them life and brought them to our care.

Another Casting Crowns song is speaking to me right now (it’s playing on my iPhone).

Your love is peace to the broken
Faith for the widow, hope for the orphan, strength for the weak
Your love is the anthem of nations, rings out through the ages
And You’re always enough
~ Always Enough

He is always enough and He is in control here.

“The LORD is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”  ~ Psalm 34:18

For some reason Casting Crowns is really speaking to me right now.

Jesus, hold me now
I need to feel You in this place
To know You’re by my side
And hear Your voice tonight
Jesus, hold me now
I long for Your embrace
I’m beat and broken down
I can’t find my way out
Jesus, hold me now 
~ Jesus, Hold Me Now

I know these children are no longer in pain.  They are no longer hungry.  They do not suffer.  These children have only known sickness in their lives, but now they are in their loving Savior’s arms.  We may mourn for a time here on earth, but they will forever find joy in their Savior’s love.

“He will wipe away every tear form their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”  ~ Revelation 21:4 (ESV)

Please keep Beautiful Gate in your prayers.  Please pray for the staff, children, and volunteers as they mourn the loss of these children.  Please pray for the health of the 3 children in the hospital and all the children at Beautiful Gate.

One more request, if you know someone volunteering here at Beautiful Gate, please send them words of encouragement during this time.  Thank you.

Categories: Uncategorized | 5 Comments

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5 thoughts on “My heart is breaking…

  1. Lauren Day

    Oh girl. I’m praying for you and Beautiful Gate.

    This past week has been very tough for me too. This song has been an encouragement to me:

  2. Debbie Bonner

    Hang in there! The work you are doing is so awesome! I am sure the Lord will bless you in many ways. I pray that Mary will pray for you and send you peace during these sad times. Love ya, Debbie Bonner

  3. catschwartz

    Hugs and prayers! I know it is hard, but try to keep in mind all that you are doing that IS helping! I think it is the best way to approach a day when things aren’t going well. I imagine you already know this, but I wanted to remind you 🙂 Hope the next days and weeks are easier for you and your friends.

  4. catschwartz

    Hope you are doing a bit better today. You are doing so much to help! I just wanted to let you know I was thinking of you!

  5. Angela Russo

    I don’t know if you remeber me I am a friend of your moms. Jessica my daughter inlaw and I went with you and your mom to the movies and out to eat once. I just wanted to tell you how proud I am for knowing someone like you! You are doing such great work for the Lord. Everytime I feel down this song makes me feel better.

    May God continue to use you and help make this world alittle bit
    God Bless,
    Angela Russo

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