These past nine and a half months have been some of the best and worst times of my life.  I’ve seen the joy of new families formed and experienced the heartbreak of burying a young child.  I’ve made lots of new friends and had to say goodbye to those returning to their home country.  I’ve experienced joy and sorrow.

One thing I asked of God was to break my heart for what breaks His.  And sometimes I feel so broken I wonder if I can ever be put back together again.  Yet I know God loves broken people and He can put me back together.

Yesterday was a day where I experienced the ups and downs of being here all in one day.  In the morning I helped Wendy take pictures of some of the babies in the different houses.  Such a hardship right?  I got to hold babies, cuddle them and make them smile.  Times like this are when I love my job!

After that was an adoption ceremony.  I yet again got to experience the joy of a new family formed.  This was a Basotho family.  The new Mom, her sister and her mother were all in attendance.  All three seemed so excited to have a new member of their family.  They already loved this little girl so much.  Yet again I love my job!

Wendy and I went and took a couple more pictures of the babies.  They are growing so much!  These two came a couple months ago and they are getting so big.  They are both healthy and happy babies.  Love seeing healthy babies!

As I was heading home for lunch, my day took a turn.  I was stopped by our social worker.  She told me a child’s Mom was here to take him home.  We had no warning.  I remember when this child first arrived.  He just wanted to be held.  He didn’t go play much with the other kids, just wanted to sit in my lap and be held.  I sometimes would go out to playgroup and hold him.  He did this with other volunteers as well.  More recently though, I’ve seen him playing with other children.  He seemed to finally have adapted to being at BG, to having a family here.  Now he is being uprooted from what he knows, where he is finally comfortable, with no notice, to go back to his home with his Mom.  Let’s just say it was a tearful goodbye.  I am going to miss that kid.  I just pray he does well at home.  That he is well cared for.  That he is fed, clothed and loved each and every day.  I have to trust that God has a plan for him, as Jeremiah 29:11 says.  I have to trust yet again.

Sometimes trusting isn’t always easy.  But I will trust.

Yesterday afternoon I had a hard time focusing, I kept thinking about this little boy.  So, I went out and played with the kids in playgroup.  I went into a baby house and held babies.  I have to remember that their stories aren’t always happy, yet God brought them here.  God brought them to a place where they are cared for, fed, clothed and loved.  God had a plan for them.  One that didn’t start with the best of circumstances, but they now have hope.  And hopefully one day they will have a forever family.

So, yes, I am broken.  My heart breaks more and more each day.  Sometimes it is extremely painful.  But God has also brought these wonderful children into my life that are like balm to my broken heart.  They bring me joy.  I see them and I smile.  He heals what He breaks.  He is taking my broken heart and molding it into what He wants my heart to be.

“But now, O Lord, you are our Father; we are the clay, and you are our potter; we are all the work of your hand.”  ~ Isaiah 64:8
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One thought on “Broken

  1. Deanna Mann

    Thank you for sharing Kristen. I will be praying for you and the children & team at Beautiful Gate. You are in the midst of truly doing the Lord’s work. May you be blessed on this day and the one’s that follow.

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